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Forgetting to Forget

i dont really want to be here. four walls talking to me like i know whats going on. i dont really want to answer your questions. i dont want to tell you about the fucked up things that happened to me, but i feel them coming out anyway. yes im on that, yes i take those, yes i did it on this with them. no you dont know, yes i will wait. where am i going anyway? i want to forget you i want to forget how they breathe and how they sing. i want to forget midnight snow covered stoops and declarations of love. i dont want to tell that story about valentines day gone wrong. maybe he threw me around. maybe i punched him in the face. maybe we made each other bleed. maybe we fucked in an elevator, or a bathroom on new years eve. theres a possibility that you could replace all these things. right before the fall, you could be the space between. we could run away from my past together. or you could judge me like the rest as i tell stories about what happened on that night with people who dont even want to know my name. i wasnt trying to make you into something portable i wasnt trying to simplify your identity, i just wanted you to take me with you, i didnt want to be separate and the same. affect me. can i affect you. i dont want to forget you. i want to remember i want to want to remember us and this and last night and every single one that follows. i dont want to be here. wondering where you are and what we are what we did or what im doing and why there isnt a we but a me and a two step around easy answers. they always told me dont be so willing to give in, i said i hate playing games, cant i just let myself feel like normal. now i know why everyone pulls away from giving in. its too easy to fall forward, and you cant pull back.


About deadendemily

Emily lives in Austin, TX. She has a minor in chaos and a major in spray paint. She likes Vincent Price and ABBA. She enjoys being covered in fake blood and writing horror stories. Most of the time she just hopes that her cat is not plotting to murder her, her cat being a minion of Satan and all. They would never suspect the cat.

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