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i cannot sit in a chair like a normal person. my legs have to always
be folded under or around me. i am some bizarre yoga experiment gone
wrong, contorting my torso and stems in any way possible so that they
do not resemble the proper sitting etiquette of adults. i have no idea
why i cannot sit in a chair like a normal 24 year old woman. i must
always be in my human pretzel ball, knees close to my chest or indian
style. there is most definitely something wrong with me. i place my
feet on the ground and nervous energy overcomes them. my leg starts to
twitch and hammer in the quick pulse up and down rhythm of bongo
drummers beating out a roll. anxiety floods my body and the legs have
minds of their own curling into me, leaping away from the floor where
i’ve attempted to place them. ive been doing this for years, years and
years, no college professor ever confronted me or home room teacher.
the bosses havent noticed, even though i wear nice dresses and it is
highly unladylike to sit the way i do, i dont think its caught their
eye, monkey girl and her fabulous feet. uncanny ridiculous. even as i
write this my legs are up around my ears. so dear abby, who in gods
name can cure me of this silly compulsion? let me know.


About deadendemily

Emily lives in Austin, TX. She has a minor in chaos and a major in spray paint. She likes Vincent Price and ABBA. She enjoys being covered in fake blood and writing horror stories. Most of the time she just hopes that her cat is not plotting to murder her, her cat being a minion of Satan and all. They would never suspect the cat.

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