Implosion

when you sit there with someone and you know you love them, but you can’t say it yet, because you want them to love you too before you admit it, that’s heartbreaking. looking into each other’s eyes and you’re about to spin really really fast underneath a Christmas tree of lights, so fast you might fall down, but you’ve got your eyes where they matter, looking at the person you want to be there when you’re happy, sad, forgetful, anxious, lost, stressed, goofy, insightful, loving. waking up in the morning to look at them sleep, wondering if it makes you creepy, but you want to have a perfectly peaceful image of their face when you know they’re dreaming something and you hope it’s beautiful, like the first time you kissed and it meant something. the feeling of his touch on the small of your back moving upwards to soothe you into happiness. crying at night when he’s not there because all you want to do is hold onto the spreading warmth that fills your chest when you think about him lying next to you. wishing that you could finally be the person who makes them want to stop looking for anything else because they’ve found everything in you. praying that it lasts because seasons change and people fall apart all the time and you are notorious for fucking shit up. begging the higher powers to let you keep this one, on your hands and knees sobbing, begging them not to let you go. breaking at the thought that you will have to start over, because the end credits are rolling and you know your number will disappear from their phone some day, and they won’t remember you like you remember them.

Merry Christmas, Anya

She took a drag of his cigarette before snapping his neck. He lay there lifeless as a dead bird that had plunged head first into a glass window. “Sucks to be you,” Anya mused aloud looking down at his broken form. She was naked, and her ivory skin was streaked in mud from the back alley where she was now standing. The man was a known murderer for the Polish mob. The only people who would miss him were the scum that paid for his services. There might be a short hunt for his killer by both the police and Pols but they wouldn’t find anything except a smoked cigarette and his body. The police would assume it was a mob hit, and the mob would probably think it was a revenge scheme. Of course both of them would be wrong. Anya stepped out the cigarette with her bare foot and looked up at the shinning luminescence of mother moon and let out a piercing howl as she melted from woman to wolf. She looked back once more at her kill and sprinted into the darkness.

When Anya first became an assassin for the North East chapter of the pack she didn’t know if she’d have the stomach for it. As the months went by she discovered it was exceedingly easy to take out her assigned kills, so easy that she almost relished it. The targets were humans who, in some way, threatened pack territory or exposure of the pack itself. There were also hits like the Polish man in the alley, a key player in a blood thirsty organization who had over stepped their bounds and killed a werewolf. Usually in cases like those the victim didn’t even know they’d snuffed out the life of a supernatural, they just thought they shot a wolf or killed a regular human. Anya’s Pol had invaded the home of a wolf family and shot all of them in the head before taking a breath. Mother, father, and two children had splattered meatball brains painting the walls of their New York town house. Apparently the Polish mafia got it into their minds that the father was working with the feds to build a case against the mob boss. They didn’t know that the family were situated werewolves living a peaceful life in the city and therefore would never entangle themselves in human affairs. That was a big mistake, because now Anya was coming for all of them, and she was going to huff and puff with her Desert Eagle .50 and eat the heart of the bastard who ordered the hit, while he watched.

She loved the run after a kill, even if she didn’t get to rip his throat out like she’d wanted. The situation had called for some improvisation, such as the element of the unexpected. When he trained the gun on her as a wolf he had too clean a shot and she would have been seriously wounded, that was why she transformed quickly into human form and caught him off guard. His face twisted in disbelief as he watched her shape form breasts and the head of a beautiful woman with flowing honey hair. He dropped his gun and Anya pounced on him, pinning him to the ground, giving her the chance for the killing move.  She hated killing in human form, it wasn’t nearly as enjoyable.

Anya raced through the glittering white of fresh powder, illuminated by shop windows in a festive red and green glow. She ducked under finely decorated lamp posts wrapped in fake pine boughs dotted with lights to the fire escape of her overpriced Manhattan loft. Morphing into her womanly body, Anya leapt up to pull down the icy ladder. She quickly climbed the iron rungs hoping no one looked out their window at that particular moment to see a nude girl scaling their building. The window was open a crack and she lifted it to a small wood floor room. The apartment was bare except for a blanket, mattress, and one ratty suitcase that looked like it was from the 1970s. Anya never stayed in one place too long, it was easier to keep possessions to a minimum. She pulled on a pair of tight black pants and a form fitting black sweater, then she slipped a black ski mask over her head and rolled it up into a hat to let her face breathe. There were several friends she planned on inviting to the Polish Christmas party with her: two butterfly blades, four extra clips, Desert Eagle, taser, piano wire, and a partridge in a pear tree. Werewolf or not Anya was infiltrating the Polish mafia’s crime den on a night when everyone and their mum was packing heat, she was going to have to play with her food a little.

The chill of the city whipped through the streets in wind tunnel fashion, penetrating her clothes and biting the soft skin underneath. She raced to the subway and jumped the turnstile just as the A that would take her to Penn Station chimed to pull away. The subway car was not crowded, but there were three homeless men passed out in various positions, trying to keep warm on a cold New York night. Their dirt etched faces hardly winced as she’d leapt through the doors at the last second before they closed on her. She was glad she hadn’t had to wedge her hand in the closing train entrance and use the superhuman strength she had to pull them apart. Even if the vagrants were unaffected by her, she was sure someone would notice that.

In the last few stops no one new stepped on to ride the electric rails of the A train, but as it pulled to a stop at 23rd street the doors opened to reveal a very lupine scent which sent Anya reeling into attack mode. Her boot connected squarely with the jaw of a tall brick of a man, whose muscular frame hardly flinched with her blow. His rust colored hair and sharp green eyes glared loudly at her as he grabbed her leg and threw her into a submissive position.
“I see you’ve missed me Anya,” Alexi said in a strong throaty growl.
“What the fuck are you doing here Alex,” Anya spat back at him.
“What the fuck do you think I’m doing here? The pack sanctioned a hit on the Polish mob boss of Long Island and they don’t want you screwing it up with any of your personal bullshit.”
“Oh so they decided to send my ex-boyfriend to take care of me, that seems like some pretty personal bullshit to me.”
“Don’t be a smart ass Anya, you knew I was in the city, it was an easy choice to send me.”
“So this is a personal favor? How sweet. Did that cunt of a she-wolf Lila make the call? Are you still licking her feet like a good lap dog?”

Alexi’s fist punched Anya hard in the shoulder, knocking the wind out of her as he moved to let her up. She took the opportunity to send her foot right through his chest driving the breath out of him as he fell backwards. The homeless men had all crowded together at the back of the car, watching as the two werewolves scrapped like a couple of strays after a juicy bone. The train pulled into Penn Station and Anya pushed Alex out of the way to jump on the platform. She hit the ground running and made a mad dash for the LIRR. Alex followed in hot pursuit, breathing heavy with anger just a step or two behind her.  All the spectators saw was a blonde black blur followed closely by a rust black one, weaving in and out of throngs of passersby.
“Anya! Stop already!”
“What’s wrong Alex? Can’t keep up? I knew that bitch was making you soft,” Anya gloated as she wound through groups of Christmas shoppers carrying over-sized bags of presents.
“I’m not even with Lila anymore and you need my goddamn help with this,” Alex shouted and reached out grabbing Anya’s strong arm tightly, pulling her resistant body close to his.
“Let me go, you bastard,” Anya shouted, tugging hard away from him.
“NO! Not until you stop being a goddamn child and let me help you with this!”
“RAPE!” Anya screamed at the top of her lungs drawing the attention of several hefty looking men who, at seeing pretty blonde Anya in the hard grasp of towering Alexi, began making a move to help her.
“She’s just kidding,” Alex yelled. “This is my sister; she’s not too right in the head sometimes!”
“You jack ass!” Anya seethed trying to twist her way out of his grip. The men stopped making their way towards Alex when it became apparent that he clearly knew the girl and this quarrel was none of their business. Anya twisted in his hand, but finally gave in with a tortured sigh.
“Why are you pushing this, Alex?”
“You know why, you’re out to avenge your cousin’s death, not plant a clean hit,” he reasoned. “You’re going to get sloppy.”
“Fuck you,” Anya blazed. “I have as much a right to seek retribution for Nikki and his family’s deaths as I do to assassinate the cretin who commissioned them!”
“I’m not debating that, I’m just saying let me help you.”

With that Alexi forcefully kissed her and dragged her stunned body to the upcoming train. They sat in the back and sorted out their weapons, Alexi liked knives, big ones. He had twelve separate blades hidden on his body and a standard Glock 17. Guns weren’t his thing, but he wasn’t stupid enough not to carry one in their line of work.

The lights of the giant mansion house on West Egg were gaudy and ostentatious, just like the annoyingly posh cars that lined the 3 mile long private drive. Makes and models that weren’t even going to be released for another 4 months cluttered their path vulgarly. The mafia had no idea how to keep a low profile, one could argue that they liked to hide in the open behind their garish wealth. It made Anya’s stomach lurch. She bit her lip hard and felt the copper sting spilling over her tongue. That’s when they heard the first bark.

Alexi sprang into action and knocked Anya out of the way as a hundred pound Rottweiler barreled into him and latched its jaws around his throat. Anya transformed and took the mutt down without so much as a second blink. She hated killing the dog, but he was half crazed and dangerous, she wouldn’t let her affection for canines soften her beast. Alexi followed suit and morphed into a sleek black Alpha standing at almost 200 pounds, much larger than any average wolf. They ran at the house abandoning their weapons at the gate. Somehow this had turned from a hit into a flat out hunt.

The pair of regal loups slunk around the perimeter of the estate; two armed guards stood watch near the entrance. Lucky doubles, thought Anya, and nodded assurance at Alexi for the execution of their obvious next move. It was Alexi who struck first. He army crawled close to the well armed guard and coiled into a crouch. Within a flash of seconds they had torn out both of the men’s throats, fresh blood hot on their muzzles, the taste of death leading them to salivate heavily. Anya embraced her dark lover and nipped at his soft underbelly, they knew what was coming next and it would not be clean or silent.

The party goers crooned in their native tongue over thick vodka drinks and dense imported cigars. The children were in bed and they were free to let lavish excess pour over them. When the front door collapsed only a curious few even bothered to look up, and when body parts began piling up their fog of pleasure kept them from drawing pistols in time. One by one the wolves tore through the crowd of murderers and thieves, sucking the marrow from cracked bones and glutting themselves on internal organs. The dogs were at a feast of the wicked, only the wicked had not known they would be the main course. Everyone knows evil has a most delicious flavor.

Alexi was tangled in a fat man’s intestines, eating foot after foot when he noticed Anya was still and staring. She was eyeing a door, a door he guessed lead to her bloody vengeance and the end of their Christmas massacre. Anya slipped into human form and approached the bronze handle. She turned her beautiful stained face towards Alexi and smiled a real joyous toothy grin. It seemed she could hardly keep herself from bursting into laughter.
“Help,” she called with a newly acquired Polish accent, as she brought her fist against the heavy oak. “Help! The animals, they’ve killed everyone, let me in!”
Alexi heard a distinctive click as the locking mechanism of the door was reversed. A very bald head emerged slightly and upon seeing naked Anya covered in blood opened it entirely.
“My god girl!” he exclaimed. “Are you hurt? Where are those beasts?”
Anya smiled again, as her big pearly whites turned into pointed canines. “Right here, old man.”

She leapt at him, clawing his face, careful to keep him alive and screaming while she dug her fierce snout into his chest cavity, rooting like a pig in shit for the vital life force. When the muscle was securely pulsing in her jaws she ripped it out, and the old mob boss got to see what his insides looked like while being eaten by a wild animal.
“Merry Christmas, Anya,” Alexi whispered, now a crouching naked man marveling at the enormous wolf gorging herself on revenge.

Fire Bug

We long suspected she was a super hero, with her stringy blonde hair hanging limply across her black eyes, we long suspected that, but we never knew she started the fires. She was outside the house with one of her unlit cigarettes dangling from those chapped lips, she was carrying the can of kerosene and wearing a pair of red mary jane shoes. She was singing sympathy for the devil and we couldn’t see her mouth move because there was so much hair in her face, but she started pouring the contents of the can around the perimeter, sloshing it on the wood walls, and finally throwing it through the front window. She lit that cigarette and smoked it until she finished the song, then she threw the butt inside the same window. We saw the flames all the way down the block. We knew she had a secret identity, we knew she was a super hero, but we never thought she was the Williamson fire bug.

Armed Innocence

Little girl played with unicorns
Now she plays with hypodermic needles
Gave her dolls away with hopes and dreams
Traded them for herpes and STDs
Now she spells happiness O C
Her road to apathy was paved in pieces of Plymouth Rock
She took away the day her father forgot her name
Through with always being under estimated
She adopted the role they wanted her to play
Reality imitates art imitates expectations
Little girl played with bullets and a gun
See the people run run run
She’s having so much fun
Loaded, cocked, cold steel, crooked teeth, saliva
Tasting veneration for the maker of this masquerade,
Today she is the patron saint of FUCK THE WORLD

American Sunrise

Break off the filter
Put a heart between my blazing thighs
Smoke it pure
Lick powder off the mirror
See your tongue twist and lap up disgrace
Look through those swollen liquid eyes
See the clotting hemorrhage
Play tic tac toe with my razor blades
Puke off bridges at sunrise
What a beautiful world
Red blood, white lines, and blue lips

Mistress Malice

Can you see inside my psychosis?
Flashing synapses, images of them devouring
Licking clean, flesh of flesh
Boneware bowls, grinding molar on femur
Does it look scary in my head?
Hooks and chains, knives of every size
They’re for every kind
I don’t want to hurt a fly
I am not a killer.
Unless you make me one.
Then, I will do it all baby
Snip that tangled tongue of lies
Don’t speak to me, don’t scream love!
Copper bliss running back down your sore throat
So warm and sweet!
You were always so full of shit
Let’s see what you’re made of!
Scalpel starts at sternum
Gray’s Anatomy smiles with approval
There is blood there is bile it is all so fucking vile!
Sing my brutal tools while they work away
My dissection is complete and pieces of you are in pieces on me
Who knew I was such a fine surgeon of malice?
Not a section worth saving.
Rotten apple of my eye.
I peel your heart muscle back
Canines over crimson pout.
Grinning is so good for the soul.

Puzzel Pieces Girl

broke my shins on asphalt,
when you cut me down at the knees,
i lost my balance just right
and cracked my skull in a spiderweb against the trees
but you weren’t done with me yet.
baseball bat to my back.
swift motion, hack, hack, hack,
and you dont come back from that.
when i could barely breathe
you piled rocks on top of my chest,
i felt my ribs caving in
but there was still something of me left.
i tried to close my eyes
to shut away the pain
but you clipped my eyelids open
and i never closed them again.
staring straight ahead, i saw the bone saw blade,
i watched it hit its mark,
i watched its grim exchange.
i am pieces now,
rubber tubes and gauze,
kept still on life support heart beating without pause.
i’ll beg you once,
i’ll ask you twice,
i know it means nothing now.
will you let my body die?
the horrors you’ve allowed.
but mercy is not your reply.
you like me lying still,
you like me in a vice.
i am the perfect woman now, an erector set of your device.

Demon Digression

ouija boards don’t make mistakes
and vampire fangs taste like licorice
blood doesn’t lie
and i’m not a student of deception
just a master of killing sprees
you look just like my father when he died
like a coward
slit wrists are only for girls
bullets and blades are the best friends i have
demons demons everywhere
you look like a good fuck
wanna play black magic with a little girl?
i guess you’re just too cool
never hop in an open coffin
should’ve looked before you jumped in my bed
i put the coins on your eyes for the ferry man
i tip him very well.

 

Take it Off

i feel it coming on again
just like last time
so pretty and white
why does it rip through me like this?
you liked leaving me behind
walking away felt so real to you
with the cracks i’m slipping into i’m not real anymore
started out small
taking down the zipper dress
one by one i cut the pieces off
just a blood stained concrete
that’s me
love me!
i screamed
just too loud
so i took it off
so you could see my bones
now i see all the lines along my arms
i call it war paint
tiger stripe camoflauge
jungle of flesh tones
dye me different colors, i need new skin
i can’t scrub the old stuff off
isn’t she beautiful when derranged
i’ll cut you free caged cardinal sin
it’s time to take it off again

 

Love Letter to Ashes

light my skin
matchhead sulfur sting
wring your hands
around
delicate throat
look at edgewise glares
i’m undressing in your reflection
you’re looking through my thighs
see what’s behind that girl
black and bony monster
bare breasts to suck or shred
she doesn’t believe in boogeymen
but she believes in you
flitting down her spine with kerosene spikes
open wounds absorb the flame
and you close your eyes
while i burn